When it comes to sex, not many people think of pain. But Sadists and Masochists do. One enjoys causing pain and the other enjoys receiving it. S&M is not always sexual but in the case that it is; This dynamic can be extremely rewarding for both the sadistic and the masochistic party.
Consent and aftercare are always a necessity. Even more so in an intense relationship as S&M. It can be extremely simple for a relationship like this to turn abusive. To help prevent that you can do a few things...
Have a safe word. As soon as this word is muttered- everything stops. Simple as that. If you intend on participating in scenarios that talking is not an option- a signal or gesture works as well.
Communicate thoroughly before and after. Before any situation takes place it is very important to know what your partner likes and doesn't like. What their hard and soft limits are. Afterwards when participating in aftercare you should always talk about what was enjoyed, what can be improved on, and if they are mentally and physically okay. Take the feedback and use it for an even better experience the next time.
Be able to separate real life from play time. Some couples like having their kink dictate their entire lives but it is still important to take time for mental and physical health. Never be afraid to communicate to your partner in a setting that won't be misinterpreted as part of the kink.
Recognize red flags. If you find your partner unwilling to communicate or you ever feel truly unsafe you need to get out. There is a major difference between kink and abuse. Even though you may not feel that way originally, there is a huge difference when you find yourself in a situation you truly do not enjoy and can't leave. If you and your partner respect each other and follow personal boundaries and communicate, that is when you will have a healthy kink relationship.
Sadism- A person who derives pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain or humiliation on others is considered a sadist. Most often a sadist comes in the form of a sexual dominant (the partner in the position of power.) Sadism can be found in one enjoying common things like spanking or choking or ranging to the intense BDSM torture scenes some couples indulge in.
Mental Sadism- Some sadists prefer to focus on the psychological aspect of their S&M situations. Mental sadists will focus more on putting their partner into a specific mindset or cause stress to fulfill their desires opposed to just physically causing pain. For intense role play scenarios this can be exciting for all partners involved.
Masochism- A person who derives sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation would be considered a masochist. Most often comes in the form of a sexual submissive. You may ask how someone could enjoy pain... Endorphins are released while in painful or stressful experiences which can be interpreted as pleasurable. The release of epinephrine and norepinephrine during pain can cause a 'rush' of pleasure. Masochists do not always need a partner to indulge in their deviance; Some turn to self harm.
Mental Masochism- Someone who is a mental masochist would enjoy their partner playing mind games with them. Being able to role play as helpless can be enough on its own or play into regular masochism for added intensity. People who like feeling victimized, infantalized, manipulated or used could be considered a mental masochist.
Related...
Yandere- A Japanese term for a person who is initially very loving and gentle to someone (or at least innocent) before their devotion becomes destructive in nature, often through violence and/or brutality.
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